


Hobbit Investigator of all the Shire

by Duckiehuey



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Detective Bilbo, Food, Gen, Sherlock!Bilbo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-15
Updated: 2015-04-15
Packaged: 2018-03-23 04:15:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3754153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Duckiehuey/pseuds/Duckiehuey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Where Bilbo Baggins is a most curious creature and invents a new post for himself - Hobbit investigator of all Shire. Most are amused of this. The Sacksville-Baggins are not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hobbit Investigator of all the Shire

When Bilbo was a fauntling, he was exactly the same as the others. Mischievous, sweet, and adorable mixed in with the other fauntlings. However, as he grew, Bilbo also had a thirst to learn about anything that caught his attention.

When his mother, Belladonna, began to teach him how to read, little Bilbo was more interested in how paper and ink were made than the contents of the books. On shopping day, the fauntling nearly spent the entire trip just watching the barber trimming hair or study the wares at a booth that sold dish ware.

At first many found it odd but grew to accept that little Bilbo Baggins was just a good quiet young Hobbit. Later they would all agree that he grew odder for a Hobbit who was meant to be of the gentle class.

The reason for this is that Bilbo Baggins had to learn about everything. He wanted to know how cheese was made and how different cheeses were classified. And when no one was able to tell him properly, Bilbo ended up making his own classification on soft, hard, and semi-hard cheeses. This went on as he learned about gardening, insects, clothing, animals, weather, and cooking. He ended up helping out in different farms just to learn all he can.  
At first many of farmers were skeptical of a young Hobbit volunteering to do work just to learn, but they all found out that Bilbo’s observing mind ended up helping them instead. For it was he who figured out that a certain Took cousin was the one that ruined a crop of turnips instead of a wild pig like it was initially believed. Or that young master Kettlebourn had ruin the hay bales while drunk on Green Dragon’s ale.

However, when Bungo and Belladonna passed away during the Fell Winter, Bilbo found himself desperate to learn everything he could about Shire law.

* * *

The funny thing with Shire laws were that they mostly concentrate on one thing - inheritance. There was practically nothing on murder, rape, or terrorism because the Shire population just consists of Hobbits. Stealing mostly concentrated with fauntlings and anything more serious was left to the discretion of the parties involved.

Inheritance however was something that could not be ignored. As good natured as Hobbits are, they do not like it if they are denied what is believed to be rightfully theirs.

A good example of this was the old court case of the three piglets. Old farmer Chubb had left a will for his five children which had taken everything into account except for three piglets. The reason for the mismanagement of the animals was due to the fact that they were just born a day before Old Chubb died from old age.

When the will was read by the magistrate, all five children fought over the three piglets. Each had an attorney whom spent more time having tea in court while their clients argued over the case.

In the end, the piglets had grown fat and were butchered after six months by order of the Thrain who had grown tired of the case. The harvest of the three pigs were divided amongst the five children with little complaints since most of it was smoked from the Tooks’ smokehouses.

However in Bilbo’s case, he was mostly concerned about being placed with a guardian. He was, after all, not in his majority and there was a set of cousins whom would love to their hands on Bag End and the money that came with it.

While both sets of relatives were helping out with the funeral arrangements, Bilbo peruse his late father’s books on Shire law. Bungo Baggins may have been a proper gentle Hobbit; he had also had an interest in the subject of the law. The books had laws from the first years of the Shire to cases that were conducted barely a decade ago.

After reading and understanding as much as a young Hobbit could, Bilbo was smart enough to realize two things. One was that he needed to find a damn good attorney and the other was to prove that he could run Bag End without a guardian. With that done, Bilbo wore his best suit, combed his hair, and walked to the only attorney who could help his case.

Master Witterfield was known for one thing - a shrewd mean old Hobbit. This was actually described by the Sacksville-Baggins who had lost a case against him over a tea set. If anyone asked the attorney about the accusation, Witterfield would only say that the Sacksville-Baggins never had a case to begin with since he had gifted the tea set to the wronged party on his 55th birthday.

In reality, Master Witterfield was clever and very educated in Shire law. In all of his years, he not lost a single case (the Chubb case was considered a win since his client did get part of the pigs) and treated all of clients equally.

So when young Bilbo Baggins arrived to his appointment with Master Witterfield, the old attorney listened to him carefully.

“Master Baggins,” Witterfield began as he quickly reviewed the copies of the wills, “you do understand what you are asking of me?”

“I do, Master Witterfield.” Young Bilbo answered as gravely as he could. “Please understand that if my mother’s family offer to take me in, my father’s family will want to gain my guardianship.”

The attorney absently nodded. The assets left to the young heir of Bag End was extensive for most Hobbit families. He could easily see the Tooks agreeing to allow the young Master Baggins to take charge of his life; the main problem lies with the Baggins. There were already rumors in Hobbiton about a certain branch of Baggins whom would love to get their grubby hands on the property itself.

“I’m afraid that we will be having a fight on our hands, Master Baggins. Your parents obviously left you as their heir, but have left no instructions if you gain your inheritance before your majority. This could possibly allow your families a claim for a guardianship - one that a magistrate will approve of. Do you know if there is any possibility to convince your family to drop the matter?”

Bilbo blinked in surprise at the question. He understood the term convince in terms of Shire law from the cases he had read. Thinking for several minutes the young Hobbit realized that he had many ways to convince the families.

“I believe, Master Witterfield, you will find it interesting that several days ago, a certain Baggins cousin - ”

Old Master Witterfield spent the rest of the appointment enjoying the deductions of Bilbo Baggins concerning certain cousins and their scandalous affairs.

* * *

In the end, the matter of Bilbo’s ownership of Bag End was settled in true Hobbit style - in court with gossip and scandal.

Master Witterfield had performed well with charisma, authority, and dry humor. He had to only use two bits of Bilbo’s extensive deductions to put the matter to rest. Of course, the rumor of one Baggins’ fondness for footwear was enough to cause an uproar in both families. Proof of the transgression came an hour later from several Took fauntlings who had been eavesdropping on the proceedings.

The owner of the boots, shoes, and other footwear had ran out of the courthouse with half the Baggins family chasing after him.

With that said, the magistrate granted Bilbo sole ownership of Bag End while the Tooks cheered and announced a celebration was to be taken place for the win.

The party was grand with Bilbo and Master Witterfield as the guests of honor. There was much drink and food and the Baggins even showed up. When a party is involved, Hobbit families reunite quite easily until the next scandal.

That happened an hour later when Bilbo caught a certain Sacksville-Baggins trying to leave early with the silverware in their pockets.


End file.
